


The Most Awkward Conversation Ever!

by Fabrisse



Series: Vienna [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-16
Updated: 2011-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-18 04:27:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/pseuds/Fabrisse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn and Kurt decide how to split the time with their significant others while Carole and Burt are out of town.  Then Finn asks about sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Awkward Conversation Ever!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel of sorts to the series.

Burt and Carole were finally having a belated honeymoon. They were driving to Chicago for a two day conference and spending an extra two nights there. They'd even said they might take an extra night at the end, too.

Finn and Kurt had sworn not to have any parties. In return, Carole and Burt had allowed them to invite one friend at a time to stay the night -- as long as the other brother gave permission. The two boys side-eyed each other at that statement, and Kurt immediately asked Finn if they could meet for coffee after his Sheets 'n' Things shift.

Kurt bought Finn's giant iced mocha whipped cream thing and his own iced double espresso with a soy shot -- his go-to summer drink -- and decided that Finn would probably want food too and got them a plate of assorted scones.

Finn grinned when he saw the food and said, "So when are we having the party. Also, I want the first night with Quinn. You can have the second night with Blaine."

"Blaine leaves for Vienna on Tuesday," Kurt said.

"Oh." Finn blinked. "But we're going to have a party, right? I mean if we have it, like Monday, then we'll have plenty of time to clean up after."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Dad and Carole are trusting us. Here's my proposal. We invite our friends for a nice barbecue brunch on Sunday afternoon. I want to invite some of the guys from Dalton, too, if that's all right. I'll take care of the food. You take care of threatening Puck with grievous bodily harm if he brings liquor. And we tell Dad and Carole that we're doing it."

"Not even beer?" Finn thought for a moment. "Why would we tell our folks?"

"Because it's the responsible thing to do. And if they say no, we wait until later in the summer when they're home."

"But we are going to have our girlfriends over, I mean, my girlfriend and your… Blaine? I mean, you're not just planning a sleepover with Mercedes or something."

"No, I'm not. Mercedes, yes, next Friday, after the folks are home, if that's all right."

"Sure. So I can have Saturday night with Quinn?"

"What about Sunday and Monday nights? If Dad and Carole stay the extra night, you can have Tuesday, too. That gives me Friday and Saturday night with Blaine. His parents are out of town until Sunday, so they won't know one way or the other about his coming over."

***  
Finn looked around and said, "Look, can we take this to the car?"

Kurt said, "Sure," and went to ask for a bag to put the scones in.

They walked to the car and Finn babbled about a new shipment of Turkish towels that had come in and he'd made the display for until they got there.

Once they were in, Kurt told him to fasten his seatbelt, and Finn said, "I wanted to ask you some stuff, but I don't think we should be driving."

"All right." Kurt sounded skeptical.

"So, you and Blaine, you, I mean you guys do stuff, right?"

"Stuff?"

"I've seen you kiss, so I think… Are you a virgin?"

Kurt's eyes went wide. "Did my Dad ask you to talk with me?"

"What? No, dude, this is just… I need advice." Finn had gone beet red.

"Advice." Kurt thought for a moment. "Wouldn't Puck or Mike or Artie be a better choice?"

"Puck, he's not good on feelings and junk like that, and I don't know about Mike and Artie. We're not close, and you're my brother. But if you're a virgin, I get it. Cool. I'll figure something out."

It was quiet for a moment while Kurt assessed his step-brother. "There is no way that one of us isn't going to die from embarrassment. I'll answer your question, but you have to answer one from me first. Two actually."

It was Finn's turn to assess, but he finally gave a tight nod.

Kurt said, "First question. I assume from your asking me that you're not a virgin?"

"No. Santana last year."

Kurt's eyebrows went up. "Okay. This isn't the second question, so you don't have to answer, but did you enjoy it?"

Finn shook his head and looked away.

"My second question is, you're not asking me this because you think I'm 'the girl' in my relationship with Blaine, are you?"

Finn hesitated. "I don't really know what guys do, but I thought since you're friends with the girls, maybe you'd know more about them."

"Fair enough." Kurt took a sip of his coffee. "No. By any definition I think you'd use, I'm not a virgin."

"Good. So can I ask you stuff now?"

Kurt sighed. "Yes, Finn."

"So Quinn, she like said that I should have been her first, and we do it, which is more than I ever did with Rachel, but I don't think she likes it much and I like making out more, which probably means I'm not a guy or something, and then, I think it would be really great if maybe she'd give me a blowjob because Puck said they're awesome, but…"

"Finn, stop. Now. One thing at a time. I already know more about your sex life than I ever wanted to know." He was staring at his coffee to avoid staring at Finn. "Break it down and ask one question."

"Are blowjobs awesome? I mean, you know right? You're getting them?"

Kurt tried looking at the ceiling for a change. It didn't help. He took a deep breath. "Yes. They are awesome. Yes, I am 'getting' them." He thought for a moment and winced. "I'm also giving them. And maybe that's what you need to do with Quinn."

Finn looked at him blankly. "You know that girls don't have dicks, right? I mean, you've probably seen more girls naked than I have, and…"

Kurt goggled. Fratricide wasn't a _major_ crime, was it? "Even when I have sleepovers with the girls, we're fully clothed. But I'm perfectly well aware of what girls have and don't have. It's one of the reasons I like boys." He spoke very slowly. "I meant reciprocate. Cunnilingus."

Impossibly, Finn looked even blanker.

Kurt parsed the sentence into "dude speak" in his head. He'd never imagined the following words coming from his mouth. "Eat. Her. Out."

Light dawned. "But isn't that kind of gross?"

"I'm gay, Finn. But if you're interested in girls, then you have to do something to please them. Sex is… It's not all about you."

"How would I do it?"

Kurt glowered at him. "You did not just ask me about the mechanics. Find pamphlets. Use the internet." This time, he smirked. "And if you ask me again, I'll tell Dad to have the talk with you -- in detail, so you can think about how he knows."

Finn was stricken. "You don't think your Dad and my Mom…"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "They're married. Of course, they're having sex. Be thankful your bedroom's farther away than mine is, or you'd know exactly how often."

"Dude, I did _not_ need that image."

"You're asking a gay boy for advice about straight sex and _that's_ what bothers you most?"

Finn shrugged. "It's my mom." He ate another scone and sucked down more of his coffee drink. "So about blowjobs. I mean, I can see how getting one would be great and she wouldn't be so nervous if I, er, yeah… but, like, you said you've given one and how?"

Kurt tried to make sense of the question, and then his eyes softened. "It's Blaine. It's not that I'll get something from him afterward or before, although that's great. It's that I like the way he smells. I like the way he tastes. I like the way he touches me and kisses me and the noises he makes."

"Do you love him?"

Kurt's face glowed as he nodded. "I think we might be lucky enough to be forever. I hope we are."

Finn nodded back. "So that's what makes it okay when he does stuff to you or asks you to do stuff to him."

Kurt straightened in his seat and took a sip of his coffee. "I've had an epiphany. Vocabulary. You need a vocabulary change. I don't think I've ever done anything _to_ Blaine, and I know he's never done 'stuff _to_ me.' It's with. Even our first kiss, he made the first move -- he kissed me, but it was… he waited for me to catch up and then _we_ were kissing. Everything's with. Everything's mutual. And we talk before we take a big step, even if it's just 'may I take your shirt off?'"

"Yeah, but you have to sneak up on girls. Plan it out, try for a little more boob action."

"No, you're missing the point. If you're paying attention to what gets your partner all hot and bothered, and ask whether it's okay, you don't have to plot. Maybe she likes her wrists being stroke more than she likes your hands squeezing her boobs." Kurt could not believe that sentence. "Quinn likes you enough that she made the first move to get you back, right?"

Finn seemed skeptical. "Yeah."

"Okay. And you both like kissing and fully clothed making out?"

"Sure. Kissing is great. So's the other stuff. Until it gets awkward, and then I don't think she's enjoying it, so I don't enjoy it. I mean orgasms are great…"

Kurt grinned. "They are. But if I understood you correctly, you don't think Quinn's having them?"

"No. I'm pretty sure she's not, but… I'll try what you suggested. See if there's pamphlets and internet and stuff. What was the word you used? For eating her out."

"Cunnilingus." He took the receipt, grabbed a pen, wrote it out, and handed the paper to Finn. "So you'll spell it correctly in the search engine."

Finn brightened. "Thanks."

"And Finn, two things. The first is, next time you have questions about the mechanics of sex -- go to Artie or Mike or Puck or Dad before you come to me."

He deflated a bit. "Okay. What's the second?"

"Are you happy with Quinn? Not just the physical, but everything else?"

Finn's brow furrowed. "So this is something I can talk to you about?"

"Feelings, yes. Physical, no."

"Can I ask one last, no two last, physical questions since we've already started."

"Two only and I reserve the right not to answer."

Finn nodded. "You and Blaine. You said mutual and all that, but he's not hurting you or doing anything you don't want or…"

"No, Finn. Blaine and I are good together."

"Have you ever thought about doing it with a girl?"

Kurt exhaled. "If I asked you if you'd ever thought about doing it with a guy, well, last year, I'd have been lucky not to get porta-pottied for the question."

Finn opened his mouth, but Kurt waved him off. "I know you've changed, but you still think straight is 'normal' and it isn't for me. I love girls, women. I like spending time with them, but I don't get aroused by them. If Mercedes came to me and said, 'I've been told I have twenty-four hours to live and I don't want to die a virgin and you're the only one I trust…' I love Mercedes. I'd do my best for her because I love her, but she doesn't turn me on. Because guys are what turn me on."

Finn nodded thoughtfully. "What you asked. I miss Rachel sometimes. And when I miss her, it's like a lot, but I don't think we'll ever be good as boyfriend and girlfriend. At least, we could be maybe, if we both changed a lot. Quinn, there's fireworks when I kiss her. And it's nice that she lets me, you know, sleep with her, but I don't always feel like she's with me even when we're… and that's kind of what it felt like with Santana. Like there's nothing, even as we're doing everything."

"I'm sorry. You've seemed so much more relaxed. I'd hoped it was because you were happy."

"I am. Not like you and Blaine are, and I kind of envy that even though I really don't need to know about your sex life either."

Kurt smiled. "Good. You don't get to know any more about it."

"I know you're opening and closing the shop for Burt. Why don't I take care of dinner on Friday? And I'll try to make sure I go out for the rest of the evening. Just don't be too loud after I get home."

"Put your seatbelt on." Kurt smiled at his brother as he started the car. "And Finn, iPods are wonderful for not hearing things you don't want to."


End file.
